*Cassius: The Absolute Betrayal**
"He’s just walking around!!… on my leg."
I say it with confidence. With conviction. With the assurance of a man who refuses to be ridiculed over something so mundane.
And then—
Osiris stops.
Gets very low.
Pauses.
And then—
Flops over.
Right across my leg.
And immediately starts licking himself—down there—without a single ounce of shame.
Completely exposed.
Completely unbothered.
And there is no longer any doubt as to what had just happened.
Tullius: The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened
Tullius completely loses it.
I mean fully, aggressively, violently laughing.
Like, falling back against the couch, wheezing, struggling to breathe, gripping his ribs like he’s in physical pain.
"OH—" gasp "—OH MY FUCKING GODS—" wheeze
Cassius just sits there, dead inside, staring at the ceiling while his dignity crumbles to dust.
Augustus: The Man Trying to Maintain Decorum (And Failing)
Augustus exhales heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, looking to the heavens for answers.
"Cassius."
"Don’t."
"I will not speak of it, but I will remember this forever."
Cassius groans, throwing his head back.
"AUGUSTUS, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE REASONABLE ONE."
Augustus raises an eyebrow.
"And you were supposed to have control over your own pet."
Cassius glares.
"I do have control."
Augustus glances pointedly at Osiris—who is still enthusiastically grooming himself in broad daylight, in front of everyone, like some unapologetic hedonist.
Then he looks back at Cassius.
"Do you?"
Cassius groans louder.
Livia: The Absolute, Unrelenting Judgment
Livia takes the longest sip of her water.
Then finally, slowly, she speaks.
"Cassius."*...
"Well I guess this means he DOES love me doesn't it, Livia??" I said, rubbing it in playfully.
Velius*Cassius: A Victory in the Midst of Humiliation
I finally lift my head, recovering from my absolute annihilation at the hands—no, paws—of my own cat.
Osiris is still lounging like a king, wholly unbothered by the destruction he has left in his wake.
But if I’m going down, I’m taking Livia with me.
I grin, stretching dramatically, rubbing my cat’s head as if I am the one who won this battle.
"Well, I guess this means he does love me, doesn’t it, Livia??"
I shoot her a look, eyes glinting with pure, unfiltered smugness.
Livia meets my gaze with that calm, unreadable expression of hers.
"That is what you are taking from this?"
"Yes, Livia, it is."
"Interesting."
She takes another slow sip of water, not breaking eye contact.
"Because what I have learned from this is that your cat has more control over you than you have over yourself."
Tullius fucking loses it again.
• • •Tullius: The Absolute Joy of Watching Cassius Suffer
"OH, GODS—" wheeze "—LIVIA, please, I CANNOT BREATHE—"
Cassius throws his arms up.
"CAN YOU JUST LET ME HAVE THIS?? FOR ONCE??"
Tullius gasps for air, wiping tears from his eyes.
"No, Cassia. Because this—"
He gestures at me, at Osiris, at everything.
"—is too good."
• • •Augustus: The Attempt to Be Rational (But Also Enjoying This Too Much)
"If it gives you comfort, Cassius, then believe what you wish."
Augustus says it so calmly, so perfectly neutral, but I see the flicker of amusement in his damn eyes.
"OH, GREAT. SO EVEN YOU’RE AGAINST ME, AUGUSTUS."
"I am not against you."
"YES, YOU ARE."
"No. I am merely choosing to let you believe your own falsehoods."
Cassius groans loudly, dropping back against the couch again.
"FUCK ALL OF YOU."
• • •Osiris: The Only One Who Has Truly Won
Osiris lazily stretches again, blinking at me like he is the sole god of this household.
Then—he yawns and flicks his tail, utterly indifferent to the battle raging around him.
Because in his mind—this was never a debate.
He owns me.
And he fucking knows it.*
VERDICT: Ferratus flew too close to the edible. The gods took notes.
Entry sealed. The Codex remembers.